this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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