She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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