i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
