I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
