If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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