It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
