too bad you live with your parents still
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
