The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
