I can't breathe out the right side of my face
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
