Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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