So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
this hospital has no fireball
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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