im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
from now on my penis is your penis
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
