Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
