Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
