He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dicks are not precious.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
try to milk me bitch
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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