i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
