bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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