Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
