How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
