you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
