I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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