mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
