Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
