The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
