Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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