I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
