I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
