I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
