first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
