Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
