omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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