I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
