You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
