Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
