My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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