i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
