We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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