Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
