My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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