I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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