To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I touched a dick in church today
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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