I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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