True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
