I puked a lego.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Randomize
