ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
