I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
