Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
What drink are we having for lunch?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
