; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
