i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
