yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
