Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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