Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
