Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
