They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
