im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
