He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
