I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
