How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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