does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
