All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
