Don't make out with my wife yet
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
