You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
youre lurking in front of me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
