Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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