I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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