I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
