I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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