If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
