She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
